I am Considering Adding the Word ‘Kickass’ into my Cover Letter

You know, just to mix it up a little.
I am often (well, I was once) described as hilarious, charming, and ambitious. I have since included those three words in my cover letter.
Well, not in my regular cover letter.

That’s right folks, when you job search this much- you have way more than just one cover letter. The cover letter that includes that description of me, is the one I would send to places that I hope would appreciate it. The Onion, College Humor, Comedy Central, etc. Just trying to set myself apart from all of the other over-qualified candidates searching in my field.
Because I am unique. I have done things that no one else has done. Ok, not no one else. But it puts me in a smaller minority of people. Have you been skydiving and bunjy jumping in the same day? What about buying a pumpkin for the mere thrill of throwing it off the roof of a very tall building? What about trying out for the Charmin Toilet Paper Ambassador Program this holiday season?

What’s that? Now I have your attention? Really? Sky diving and bunjy jumping weren’t enough? What is the Charmin Toilet Paper Program???



Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, they open up Charmin bathrooms in Times Square. They choose 5 lucky people to man these bathrooms by clapping for the frequenters, cheering on the go-ers, and blogging about their experience Enjoying The Go.
So a friend a I lined up for a few hours in the blustering cold, and prepared a 2 minute medley to perform and prove why we would make the perfect ambassadors for Charmin. For 10,000$ - tell me you wouldn't do the same.

You have to go!
He has to go!
She has to go!
We have to gooooooooo
O my tummy is feeling frightful
But Charmin is so delightful
And since we really have to go
Let it flow
Let it flow
Let if floooooooooooooow
O Charmin Charmin Charmin
Your ends they never fray
Your always soft and ready
To wipe my ____ awayyyyyyy
We wish you a Merry Wiping
We wish you a Merry Wiping
We wish you a Merry Wiping
And a Charmin filled year!

And you didn’t even see the dance that went with this. So yea, I’m pretty unique. And I’ll do almost anything (like sing and dance about toilet paper) to get a job.
I think I am going to add Kickass to my cover letter.

How Far Would YOU Go?

I have easily just wasted the past two hours of my life. And by the time I am done with the wasting of time, it will probably be closer to three hours.

I got a call from one of my internships early this afternoon saying, "We could really use some extra help this week." Being as I had already given away all of my daytime hours, I said that I could come into the office in the evenings if they needed help. "Yes please, that would be great!"
And that is how I found myself sitting here in the office at 8:30pm on a Wednesday evening with absolutely nothing to do.

The thing about interning is, often you really are disposable. People you are working for feel overwhelmed, and so they call in the extra help. But then, they have actually nothing for you to do except watch them feel stressed.

So that is how I found myself this Wednesday evening, playing on my computer wishing for a project to do until 10 O'clock at night when I finally thought to myself:
"Have I no self respect?"

I am wasting hours of my life, trying to help someone out for free. They have nothing for me to do. And I am sitting here wasting time on my computer, looking for free tickets to things and losing myself in the vastness of youtube.

Things I am: productive and efficient.
At home I could be watching this youtube clip in my pajamas. Here I have to smile and pretend like I want to be here, feeling helpless.
Things I do not like to be: unproductive and inefficient.

So I went home. The entire process took four hours. I did nothing but refresh my gmail.
All I wanted to do was help.

Destined for Greatness

Some People Just Know They Were Destined For Greatness!
Ok…..
Maybe everybody knows that.
Maybe everyone’s parents indoctrinate their children with the phrase ‘ you can be anything you want to be’ enough that each one us truly believes that we are the future of the world.
But I truly believe that in 30 years, everyone I met during this limbo stage of life is going to be kicking themselves for not working with me sooner and becoming ‘the next big thing’.
And if I’m wrong?
Well, I guess we’ll be blaming my parents.

Is there a college degree that can prepare you for this?

So, I’m about to let you all in on a big secret in my life. I don’t know how to make coffee. I don’t drink it, and I have no idea how to make it. Beans? Filters? Instant? Cream? Milk? Half and Half? I don’t know what’s what. And it all my years of interning (and I’m about to start #7) I have never had to make coffee. I’ve gotten coffee. I’ve written the orders down with all the specifics spelled out for me, I picked up from diners and Starbucks or brought it up from the lobby. I’ve even gone to the kitchen and filled a mug from the giant thermos thing that keeps the coffee hot. But I have never made a pot of coffee.

A few weeks ago, I brought in the guest to the studio, and as usual, I asked, “What can I get you? Water? Coffee? Tea?” And as is most common, I got “Coffee would be great.” So I went into the control room to fill a mug of coffee and I find that the giant thermos thing is out; it just makes a spluttering noise and releases a few drips. Not a problem, Ive gotten out of this mess before. I take the thermos into the kitchen, where there are three other thermos’s ready for taking, and I open them up to pour their coffee into my thermos. To my dismay, the gods of stealing coffee were against me that day, and every thermos was empty. I even went to another floor: no coffee.

And such began my disastrous first attempt at making coffee.

I though, OK, I can do this. It cant be that hard.
I should have known by the sheer amount of time it took me to remove the part that holds the filter that I should just ask someone for help. But I am 23 years old, and I should know how to brew (is it brew?) a pot of coffee at this point in my life. So I dumped out the old filter with its wet caked coffee, and I put a new white doily like filter in. Then I found the drawer with the coffee in it, opened up a bag, and started to shake some in. Here is where I encountered my first dilemma. How much? I guessed just enough to cover the bottom of the filter (for future reference, I discovered that for the team I work with, I should be using 1.5 bags of coffee per thermos). I couldn’t find anything else to do, so I put the thermos underneath and pressed the only thing that looked like a start button. The machine began to gurgle, but nothing was coming out. So I found a flap on top, and used a Styrofoam cup to start pouring in some water. (Mistake.) Waited some more, but nothing seemed to be coming out. Added more water.
Suddenly, coffee began to dribble out into the thermos! Yes! Success! I watched it pour into the thermos and I was feeling pretty smug. Then I realized that the coffee showed no sign of slowing down, but the thermos was just about full. But I held off doing anything about it. I thought, it must go to the top and then stop. It didn't. It just kept going. I grabbed another thermos and shoved it under the still spewing coffee machine. But it still wasn't slowing down. Now my hands are burnt, I am splattered with coffee, and I am pressing every button I can find until I finally follow the cord and unplug the damn thing. Didn't help. Coffee kept coming.
I filled another 4 cups before the coffee finally stopped flowing.

Well, now I had no idea what to do.

I obviously had to ask for help. 'Why didn't I just ask in the first place?!'
Just as I am mopping up the counter wondering if the guest I promised a cup of joe to has forgotten about it, someone walks into the kitchen. I give him an exasperated look that clearly says, Do you know how to work this machine?'
He takes a peek around, and says, "I have no idea how to work anything. I'll get the person who does." A few minutes later, a friendly employee walked in. She smiled and said, this machine is very temperamental, and then proceeded to walk me through the process with that particular coffee maker.

In my own defense, the coffee pot actually does make a thermos and an extra cupful at a time. So even if I had known exactly what I was doing, without fair warning, there still would have been an overflowing mess.

Cocky vs Confident

If there was something you could say in an interview to guarantee you getting the position, you would say it.
Everyone would!
But aside from ‘I will work for free’, what is that thing that is going to make that treacherous interview process a ‘no-brainer’?
Obviously we shouldn’t be giving out this secret phrase to just any old Joe off the street, but (and here is where I shamelessly promote myself) I have a college degree, I did well in school, studied abroad, created my own major, have more than 10 quality internships, I network, I'm responsible, and I'm obviously driven. I have got my shit together. So why do I still not hold the key to that secret phrase all interviewers want to hear?
What do you want to hear from a potential future employee? What can they do to set them apart in a positive light? What makes people say: Lets hire her.
I know there has got to be some one word that everyone wants to hear. I don’t think I'm a bad interviewer, but I am concerned about the whole idea of cocky vs confident. People say, ‘you have to sell yourself in an interview!’. Well, I think I am a good deal! But I also hear that interviewers are turned off by people who think they can do it all.
Let me tell you, future interviewers out there, I have the ability to complete any task. Because if I can’t figure it out, I will ask. I am resourceful, and I know my boundaries. But I will give it my all.
There.
Is that what you want to hear?



**If you watch this video below, please laugh. Who spends the time to make these?**