The Colbert Report

Dear Stephen Colbert,

I am coming to sit in the live audience of your show tomorrow. If you have read my blog, you know I want to pester you for a job. You know that I am hilarious, charming, and ambitious. You know I have papered the walls of Jon Stewart's studio with my resume. But instead, for you Stephen, sir, Mr. Colbert, I am bringing you your favorite sandwich from your favorite deli in Montclair, New Jersey. Don't look at it as a bribe. See it more as a gesture of kindness. And as proof that I would make a kickass hell of an assistant.

Sincerely,

Ambitious and Funemployed
ambitiousandfunemployed@gmail.com

Because I Actually Do Have A Bucket List. Typed Up In A Word Document.

Now, even before the movie The Bucket List came out, I have had a list of my own that I just call ‘Things I Want To Do Before I Die’. Doesn’t sound as good I know, but if Morgan Freeman had uttered it in a soothing voice on thousands of the big screen you might feel differently.
Get a drink named after me. Check.
Go skydiving. Check.
Go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef. Check.
Be in People Magazine. _____

Now, there are way more things besides being in People that I haven’t yet accomplished (see a Blue Whale, see a man eating clam- I swear, my AP Bio teacher said they exist) but that is the one we are going to focus on today.
You see, just before I started this blog, something else hit the web and exploded! Bigger than Charlie Bit Me and bigger than FML. Why bigger? Who is the judge? Because this thing that hit every computer screen somewhere, got written up in the next issue of People Magazine. (It has since then even been incorporated into my favorite TV show (spoiler alert for those of you who still haven’t caught up on this season), The Office.
So congratulations Kevin and Jill, you have hit that goal before me. Congratulations on your wedding too. And on being in People magazine. Oh ya, and for trying to turn a brief youtube phenomenon into a charity organization.

So what does this have to do with my blog, my job search, or me?

Not much, other than I too had a good 5 seconds of fame (this definitely didn’t count as part of my 15 minutes) recently, and I just wanted to share it with you all.
A few nights ago, a more than an acquaintance, not quite a good friend, (lets call her a ‘friendly’), started chatting to me about my life. She opened with, “I have been thinking about you all week.”
Really? I asked. Why?
“Earlier this week, a friend of mine in the CBS Page Program sent me a blog to read saying ‘this person writes my life’. So then I started reading it and I just wanted to share it with you, because it is hilarious, all of my friends read it now, and I feel like it is your life too!”

Well now I am intrigued! What is this blog?

The friendly laughs. She says, “Its called ambitious and funemployed.”
Before she finishes my jaw has unhinged and is resting on the floor. But within a split second, I think I am shrieking. I hope I wasn’t, because I can get very high-pitched, but I think my still ringing ears would attest- there was shrieking.
Did I start this blog with the intentions of being famous? No.
Do I think that because one group of post-college grads found it on the internet and now read it that I am famous? No.
Does this in any way accomplish my goal of getting into People magazine? No.
Am I still loving the fact that someone unknowingly recommended that I read my own work? Hell yes!

I am Considering Adding the Word ‘Kickass’ into my Cover Letter

You know, just to mix it up a little.
I am often (well, I was once) described as hilarious, charming, and ambitious. I have since included those three words in my cover letter.
Well, not in my regular cover letter.

That’s right folks, when you job search this much- you have way more than just one cover letter. The cover letter that includes that description of me, is the one I would send to places that I hope would appreciate it. The Onion, College Humor, Comedy Central, etc. Just trying to set myself apart from all of the other over-qualified candidates searching in my field.
Because I am unique. I have done things that no one else has done. Ok, not no one else. But it puts me in a smaller minority of people. Have you been skydiving and bunjy jumping in the same day? What about buying a pumpkin for the mere thrill of throwing it off the roof of a very tall building? What about trying out for the Charmin Toilet Paper Ambassador Program this holiday season?

What’s that? Now I have your attention? Really? Sky diving and bunjy jumping weren’t enough? What is the Charmin Toilet Paper Program???



Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, they open up Charmin bathrooms in Times Square. They choose 5 lucky people to man these bathrooms by clapping for the frequenters, cheering on the go-ers, and blogging about their experience Enjoying The Go.
So a friend a I lined up for a few hours in the blustering cold, and prepared a 2 minute medley to perform and prove why we would make the perfect ambassadors for Charmin. For 10,000$ - tell me you wouldn't do the same.

You have to go!
He has to go!
She has to go!
We have to gooooooooo
O my tummy is feeling frightful
But Charmin is so delightful
And since we really have to go
Let it flow
Let it flow
Let if floooooooooooooow
O Charmin Charmin Charmin
Your ends they never fray
Your always soft and ready
To wipe my ____ awayyyyyyy
We wish you a Merry Wiping
We wish you a Merry Wiping
We wish you a Merry Wiping
And a Charmin filled year!

And you didn’t even see the dance that went with this. So yea, I’m pretty unique. And I’ll do almost anything (like sing and dance about toilet paper) to get a job.
I think I am going to add Kickass to my cover letter.

Cocky vs Confident

If there was something you could say in an interview to guarantee you getting the position, you would say it.
Everyone would!
But aside from ‘I will work for free’, what is that thing that is going to make that treacherous interview process a ‘no-brainer’?
Obviously we shouldn’t be giving out this secret phrase to just any old Joe off the street, but (and here is where I shamelessly promote myself) I have a college degree, I did well in school, studied abroad, created my own major, have more than 10 quality internships, I network, I'm responsible, and I'm obviously driven. I have got my shit together. So why do I still not hold the key to that secret phrase all interviewers want to hear?
What do you want to hear from a potential future employee? What can they do to set them apart in a positive light? What makes people say: Lets hire her.
I know there has got to be some one word that everyone wants to hear. I don’t think I'm a bad interviewer, but I am concerned about the whole idea of cocky vs confident. People say, ‘you have to sell yourself in an interview!’. Well, I think I am a good deal! But I also hear that interviewers are turned off by people who think they can do it all.
Let me tell you, future interviewers out there, I have the ability to complete any task. Because if I can’t figure it out, I will ask. I am resourceful, and I know my boundaries. But I will give it my all.
There.
Is that what you want to hear?



**If you watch this video below, please laugh. Who spends the time to make these?**

Do They Have Cotton Candy at Your Career Fair?

Back in March, my University began advertising its big Spring Career Fair! Finally, some hope for those of us with still no answer to the ‘So what are you going to do next year?’ question on the tip of every adults tongue. Unfortunately this year, unless you had already applied to medical school, most of my friends were still in the ‘Not sure yet’ boat. At least I had company in there right?
A few days before the career fair, when we all had our resumes printed and our interview suits dry-cleaned, the university released the schedule for the three-day event. The schedule had a map of where the different booths would be, who would be at what booths, and what time each company was scheduled to be there. The schedule was made up of a few different documents, and that the information was organized in multiple ways- so that every student could easily find the needs that matched their criteria.
Well, as I’ve mentioned before, there was no film school at my university. No media department, no advertising, television, marketing, radio, or production. Plus, the journalism school helps the journalism students, the business school helps the business students, and the theatre school helps the theatre students.
As a part of the Individual Studies Department, there isn’t really an alumni system that can help out, because the alumni didn’t necessarily study the things you are studying. So it is really up to you to forge the road ahead and make your plans for the upcoming year. Now my roommate (lets call her ‘the honors history student of the year’ to sum up all of her awards in one title) and I looked through the lists for the career fair, and found not a single thing appropriate to either of our job searches. But we were not about to let the system beat us down. She expressed her disappointment to me and grew jealous of friends at other private institutions who had received perfect positions from career fairs specifically geared towards the students and their interests. With that note of inspiration, I began to search for career fairs happening at other universities in the metropolitan area. And by metropolitan area, I mean- schools we could get to using the metro.
I thought it was a pretty snazzy idea. Until I found out that these career fairs are not just something you can walk into with your heels on and your briefcase of resumes. They check ID's, to make sure that they are only helping out their own students.
So we were stuck with our own career fair. The one with all the government jobs and 'consulting' positions. Now seriously, what does it really mean to be a consultant?

*No offense to any consultants out there. I just really don't get what your job does. If you can explain it to me though. I will publicly apologize for questioning your career choice.

Post Graduation Unemployment- The Same Story You've Heard 400 Times Before.

Yea................no.

I am not like all of those other graduates suddenly paying for health insurance and wishing I spent more time reading Obama's health care plan before jumping on his social media bandwagon.
I could complain to you about every conversation I have with any adult which basically embarrasses me, makes me feel small about myself, reminds me that I'll never be a success and basically announces to the world that I desperately need help getting a job.
But instead, I am going to prove to you why I am different. And while I still don't have a job, I blame that entirely on the economy. It is through no fault of my own.
After the NBC Page Program fell through (and don't worry, I have resubmitted and will keep doing so until they give me another chance), I didn't mope around. The difference between me and all these other unemployed Bachelor's degrees, is that I have done everything to make myself, well, I am going to use the word: unique.
In addition to applying for every job on craigslist, mediabistro, media-match, and joining Linkedin- I have done every absurd thing imaginable to get my resume into the right hands.
If there is something I haven't thought of, I encourage you to post it below.
The following is a list of some of the craziest things I have to get my dream job.

I found an email address for an employee at HBO. The email address was Firstname.Lastname at hbo.com. I then googled at hbo.com and found 6 other employee email addresses, all Firstname.Lastname at hbo.com. I then decided to use this formula, and apply it to any HBO employee that I could find. I searched the HBO website, I checked the IMDB pages, I found the name of every crew member on every HBO show. By the end, the list was comprised of hundreds of names, some as normal as Susan.Fletcher at hbo.com, and others stretching to Jeremy.Piven at hbo.com. I am certain I even sent one to Mark.Wahlberg at hbo.com. And at that point, I though, 'what the hell', so I sent one to Ed.Burns at hbo.com, Eddie.Burns at hbo.com, Eddy.Burns at hbo.com, and Edward.Burns at hbo.com.

I sent out hundreds of these emails. For the next hour, my gmail was flooded with responses from Mail Delivery Subsystem:

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently.

But more than a few of them were real. And a few of those even responded. However, the best they could do was give me the email address for the Human Resources Dept, which is clearly listed on their website.