Stephen Colbert, I Can't Wait Around Forever

In the least stalkery way possible:
Stephen, Watch Out!

Part 3 of The Colbert Conquest is coming to you tomorrow.

And if you don't take me on then, well, then I guess the next time you will see me is when I offer you a job.

The Colbert Conquest

For everyone waiting on the edge of their seats, here is the story of my first handshake with Stephen Colbert:

As you have recently read, I posted a letter to Stephen Colbert letting him know that I was coming on his show, and that I was bringing him an Angry Dwarf Sandwich.

And then yesterday, I went with my cousins to The Colbert Report. After a long wait on line, we finally got into the studio, where we happened to be sitting in the first row: front and center.
This was exciting for two reasons:
1) I was sitting in the front row of The Colbert Report
2) Stephen Colbert high fives everyone in the front row as he runs out onto the set.

When Stephen came out to answer a few questions from the audience, I shot up, and I was the first person he called on. I made some jokes like I had been trying to get in touch with him to tell him I was coming, and we bantered for a few moments. I then told him I had brought him an Angry Dwarf sandwich- at which point we whipped out the sandwich and Stephen exclaimed, 'Oh it's you!?' recognizing my cousin from his local deli. He turned towards the audience and said, "It's my deli guy!" And then he makes my now mortified cousin tell everyone what is in the sandwich that makes it so awesome. He sent some guy to pick up the sandwich, and then came over to thank us for coming and shook our hands.

During the break, some guy came up to us and asked us our names. I was hoping for a shout out on the show, but instead I found out that it was just for security purposes. Obviously Stephen Colbert gets a lot of poisonous sandwiches, so they have to be careful.

At the end of the show, Stephen walks down the front row and shakes everyone's hands but he lingered by us to say, "Seriously great to see you, thanks for coming! Be seeing you later."

When it was over, I left one folded up copy of my resume on my seat. Other than that, I didn't pitch myself at all, no mention of 'Here is a sandwich, now HIRE ME', no stalking, no pestering, and the clean up people probably just threw out the folded up paper on my seat.

Still though, I shook hands with Stephen Colbert, twice. He has heard my name.

And I also followed up by sending the show the following email:

Dear Stephen Colbert,

I thoroughly enjoyed your show today! If you have read my blog, you know I want to pester you for a job. You know that I am hilarious, charming, and ambitious. You know I have papered the walls of Jon Stewart's studio with my resume. But instead, for you Stephen, sir, Mr. Colbert, I brought you the Angry Dwarf sandwich from the Watchung Deli. Don't look at it as a bribe. See it more as a gesture of kindness. And as proof that I would make a kickass hell of an assistant.

A lack of response will only convince me more that you are indeed in need of another staff member, even if it is just one in charge of being your personal sandwich maker.

Sincerely,

Ambitious and Funemployed
ambitiousandfunemployed@gmail.com

So folks, don't go away quite yet!
I have got a few more Colbert surprises for you coming up in the next week.
Stay tuned...



**Interesting fact: Stephen Colbert has two wikipedia pages. One for himself, another for his character: Stephen Colbert. Both are linked to in the above post.

Because I Actually Do Have A Bucket List. Typed Up In A Word Document.

Now, even before the movie The Bucket List came out, I have had a list of my own that I just call ‘Things I Want To Do Before I Die’. Doesn’t sound as good I know, but if Morgan Freeman had uttered it in a soothing voice on thousands of the big screen you might feel differently.
Get a drink named after me. Check.
Go skydiving. Check.
Go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef. Check.
Be in People Magazine. _____

Now, there are way more things besides being in People that I haven’t yet accomplished (see a Blue Whale, see a man eating clam- I swear, my AP Bio teacher said they exist) but that is the one we are going to focus on today.
You see, just before I started this blog, something else hit the web and exploded! Bigger than Charlie Bit Me and bigger than FML. Why bigger? Who is the judge? Because this thing that hit every computer screen somewhere, got written up in the next issue of People Magazine. (It has since then even been incorporated into my favorite TV show (spoiler alert for those of you who still haven’t caught up on this season), The Office.
So congratulations Kevin and Jill, you have hit that goal before me. Congratulations on your wedding too. And on being in People magazine. Oh ya, and for trying to turn a brief youtube phenomenon into a charity organization.

So what does this have to do with my blog, my job search, or me?

Not much, other than I too had a good 5 seconds of fame (this definitely didn’t count as part of my 15 minutes) recently, and I just wanted to share it with you all.
A few nights ago, a more than an acquaintance, not quite a good friend, (lets call her a ‘friendly’), started chatting to me about my life. She opened with, “I have been thinking about you all week.”
Really? I asked. Why?
“Earlier this week, a friend of mine in the CBS Page Program sent me a blog to read saying ‘this person writes my life’. So then I started reading it and I just wanted to share it with you, because it is hilarious, all of my friends read it now, and I feel like it is your life too!”

Well now I am intrigued! What is this blog?

The friendly laughs. She says, “Its called ambitious and funemployed.”
Before she finishes my jaw has unhinged and is resting on the floor. But within a split second, I think I am shrieking. I hope I wasn’t, because I can get very high-pitched, but I think my still ringing ears would attest- there was shrieking.
Did I start this blog with the intentions of being famous? No.
Do I think that because one group of post-college grads found it on the internet and now read it that I am famous? No.
Does this in any way accomplish my goal of getting into People magazine? No.
Am I still loving the fact that someone unknowingly recommended that I read my own work? Hell yes!

I am Considering Adding the Word ‘Kickass’ into my Cover Letter

You know, just to mix it up a little.
I am often (well, I was once) described as hilarious, charming, and ambitious. I have since included those three words in my cover letter.
Well, not in my regular cover letter.

That’s right folks, when you job search this much- you have way more than just one cover letter. The cover letter that includes that description of me, is the one I would send to places that I hope would appreciate it. The Onion, College Humor, Comedy Central, etc. Just trying to set myself apart from all of the other over-qualified candidates searching in my field.
Because I am unique. I have done things that no one else has done. Ok, not no one else. But it puts me in a smaller minority of people. Have you been skydiving and bunjy jumping in the same day? What about buying a pumpkin for the mere thrill of throwing it off the roof of a very tall building? What about trying out for the Charmin Toilet Paper Ambassador Program this holiday season?

What’s that? Now I have your attention? Really? Sky diving and bunjy jumping weren’t enough? What is the Charmin Toilet Paper Program???



Every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, they open up Charmin bathrooms in Times Square. They choose 5 lucky people to man these bathrooms by clapping for the frequenters, cheering on the go-ers, and blogging about their experience Enjoying The Go.
So a friend a I lined up for a few hours in the blustering cold, and prepared a 2 minute medley to perform and prove why we would make the perfect ambassadors for Charmin. For 10,000$ - tell me you wouldn't do the same.

You have to go!
He has to go!
She has to go!
We have to gooooooooo
O my tummy is feeling frightful
But Charmin is so delightful
And since we really have to go
Let it flow
Let it flow
Let if floooooooooooooow
O Charmin Charmin Charmin
Your ends they never fray
Your always soft and ready
To wipe my ____ awayyyyyyy
We wish you a Merry Wiping
We wish you a Merry Wiping
We wish you a Merry Wiping
And a Charmin filled year!

And you didn’t even see the dance that went with this. So yea, I’m pretty unique. And I’ll do almost anything (like sing and dance about toilet paper) to get a job.
I think I am going to add Kickass to my cover letter.

Cocky vs Confident

If there was something you could say in an interview to guarantee you getting the position, you would say it.
Everyone would!
But aside from ‘I will work for free’, what is that thing that is going to make that treacherous interview process a ‘no-brainer’?
Obviously we shouldn’t be giving out this secret phrase to just any old Joe off the street, but (and here is where I shamelessly promote myself) I have a college degree, I did well in school, studied abroad, created my own major, have more than 10 quality internships, I network, I'm responsible, and I'm obviously driven. I have got my shit together. So why do I still not hold the key to that secret phrase all interviewers want to hear?
What do you want to hear from a potential future employee? What can they do to set them apart in a positive light? What makes people say: Lets hire her.
I know there has got to be some one word that everyone wants to hear. I don’t think I'm a bad interviewer, but I am concerned about the whole idea of cocky vs confident. People say, ‘you have to sell yourself in an interview!’. Well, I think I am a good deal! But I also hear that interviewers are turned off by people who think they can do it all.
Let me tell you, future interviewers out there, I have the ability to complete any task. Because if I can’t figure it out, I will ask. I am resourceful, and I know my boundaries. But I will give it my all.
There.
Is that what you want to hear?



**If you watch this video below, please laugh. Who spends the time to make these?**

When It Rains It Pours

About every two months I get a whole slew of emails offering me interviews. I don’t know why it happens in a cycle, but it always does. I wont hear a word from a single company, not a single positive response and usually not a single response at all. Then suddenly in the same week, I’ll get seven emails offering me interviews.
And so the rush begins again! The interview suit comes out, resumes get reprinted by the dozens, and if it were possible, I start getting even less sleep.
To me, interviewing is like craigslist, and craigslist is like a blind date. You absolutely never know who or what you might find on the other side of the door. And any one of those experiences could change your life forever.
Whether the interview be a 15 minute meet and greet, or an hour of resume nit picking, for that time you get a glimpse into the other side of your situation. The employed side. And you get caught up in the moment! You even start to feel important just to be interviewing for these intern positions. And why shouldn’t you? These interviewers are making a sales pitch to you (obviously because they want you to work for free) and trying to convince you that you should be honored to be considered for such an exciting time at their company. And then you get excited, and start selling yourself to them. Here is my resume! Here is what I can do for you!
I guess I am what they call lucky, in that I have actually been offered a variety of internships, and I usually get to choose where I want to devote my hardworking free time to. However, it is a harder decision than it seems. Each of these companies is probably excellent, and sometimes, when you are working for free, it all boils down to convenience. Which office is closest to the train? Which company has the best hours for my schedule? But personally, I think the most important question to weigh is: which company is going to give me the best connections? Which is the one I’ll be able to look back and say, if I hadn’t done that I never would have met _____ which eventually led me to ______ which eventually introduced me to the position I end up finding my self in…. successfully. Sometimes, I think I choose wrong. Other times, its easy to remember why I made the decision I did. But mostly, I can easily see where my first impressions of a place are skewed. It’s easy to get caught up in an interview when the interviewer is presenting their internship as the stepping-stone to your future. But it’s hard to remember how this internship is helping your future when you are making copies and getting coffee.

And so it begins! Let the runaround continue!



Bob, let's see what's behind Door Number 3!

Into The Wild, There Goes Another Resume

Yesterday I gave out my resume, not to a celebrity, not to a reporter, not to an awesome job contact. Yesterday I gave out my resume to a guy on the street. During my wild promoting for a film at my current internship, I got stopped in Union Square by one of the many of flyer wielding carnivores. When he realized that I was not a potential customer but rather someone who was soon going to be fighting for the same 10 square foot area of sidewalk battlefield, he introduced himself, and we began to chat. Over the next few hours, I learned that Rob (*names have been changed) made a huge amount of moolah from just handing out fliers. Rob, an aspiring actor, is also of course involved somewhat in the film industry. And by that I mean, makes mini documentaries with no budget to speak of, but just because he is an arts person, and no money no matter.
While him having my resume in no way gets me closer to getting me a job, I met someone cool on the street, and now will potentially be a production assistant for one of his films some random Sunday in Brooklyn. By the time that happens though and I get to put it on my resume, I hope I will have better information for him instead of ‘guy on the street’.

It's Like I'm Running The New York Marathon

Today, an idea was brought to my attention, so I am going to share it with all of you.

Instead of thinking of it as chasing down a job, think of it as a RACE!
A race to see who hires you first.

That way, no matter what, in the end- you win.
Also, even though its you who is still sending out resumes, thinking of yourself as the prize instead of the stalker is way more exhilarating.

All in a Days Search For Work

Some weeks are posting weeks, some are emailing weeks, some are faxing weeks, and others are mailing weeks.
Last week- was a mailing week.
As I am sure you have surmised from glancing through my blog, I have been searching the world wide web, the yellow pages, and any Rolodex I can get my hands on trying to get my resume in the hands of that one special yet still unknown person who is going to offer me a job.
Every few months or so, I acquire enough address to prompt me to send out a mass mailing. This isn’t the type of mailing where you BCC your contact list and send them some annoying message. I never do that. This is when I have saved enough headers, footers, and signatures from different emails that I have received and now have the mailing addresses of some places that I would like to work.
I also then searched production companies, and use my powers (cross referencing with the yellow pages, google, and each companies personal website) to get the mailing address for each of them. Then I’ve searched in wikipedia ‘shows that film in New York’. I play around with the wording a little. ‘Reality shows filming in NYC’. ‘Current television shows New York’. ‘Soap Operas New York City’. I then google and google, opening hundreds of new tabs, skimming each link for what those wizards over at the googleplex might have thought would be useful for me. Gleaning whatever information I can to track down some contact information for any show I can find.
In the end of all of this, I usually come up with about 40 to 60 names and addresses that I can send my information to. It may not be worth the stamps, but the hope is that someone is more likely to open a piece of mail and be forced to glance through my resume rather than discarding my email with an unopened resume attachment.

If At First You Don't Succeed, Do Something Else While You Keep On Trying

For those readers who doubt me ever making it in my chosen career, here’s something that might make you feel better about yourself. After all, some do find pleasure in others failures. I do have a Plan B. And after that, I have a plan C. Plan B isn’t too exciting at the moment, so lets move on to Plan C.
If it's true, at least for this year, that I am not destined to get a job alongside any famous TV Star, or even have the privilege of getting coffee for a brilliant and broke small time producer, I would like to work at Banana Republic.
But for those readers who are suddenly eyeing me as a sellout, let me reassure you that I have been going about this Plan C search in the same way I am going about Plan A. Driven.
A few months back when I was visiting New York, on a day that I had no interviews scheduled, I put on my best Banana Republic dress, and hit the streets. In my workbag, I had a portfolio of 20 copies of my resume, and 20 Banana Republic applications, filled out and ready to go. And I started shopping.
At every store I immediately asked for the manager and explained that I was looking to work at their company. After being told that they have a website to where I can submit my information online, I reassure them that I have already submitted, but I have a personal copy I wanted to deliver myself. Now, while some floor managers are just confused with a ‘What am I supposed to do with this paper now?’ look on their faces, others are impressed, and immediately begin glancing through my credentials.
So what is the point of this story?
The point is, to all of you potential employers out there, that all of my other tricks to fight my way into the door have not just been ways of sucking up to get a job in the entertainment industry. Instead, no matter the task, I will put forth 150%. While it may not be a dream career move to work in the interim time at Banana Republic, their clothes fit me perfectly and I’ll get to use my discount to start creating the working women’s wardrobe for when I do finally land that contract job.
Plus, there is always the hope that it will help pay the rent for my apartment in New York City.

Linked In.......To What?

How is LinkedIn supposed to help you get a job?

My friends and I signed up for LinkedIn when we realized that we were entering the professional world, or so we hoped. But after 'friending' all of the people we already knew personally, and the few people we met at our internships that we felt comfortable enough 'join networks' with, we were done.

So I've been asking around. Basically here is what I have surmised. You stalk famous people on LinkedIn. Not famous like the cover of People magazine. More like, the CEO of your dream company. Then, you see if you have any connections, no matter how far they are, and you ask to be introduced. How weird is that?

As far as my experience with LinkedIn goes, I know I am not utilizing it in the right way. I don't think checking the LinkedIn profiles of people I am looking to buy things off craigslist to make sure they are not sketchy classifies as appropriate LinkedIn usage. But I want to use it. I want to be a success story. I can see the headline (of my next blog post) now: Job Seeker Finally Landing Career Through LinkedIn.

If you or someone you know will be in the online area in the next week, and have gotten a job because of your LinkedIn account, we want to hear from you! Please write in!!!

The Search for The Mystery Man

In December of 2007, I was visiting friends up in Boston. And yes, I did say ‘December’ and ‘Boston’ in the same sentence, so all of you from the New England area can predict what I am going to say next.
Snow.
After a lovely weekend visiting friends, I trudged through the snow to the train station, to catch the train to the airport. I chose a bench, dropped my bag, and sat down to huddle and wait for the welcome ‘chuga chuga’ sound.
15 feet away sat another guy, clearly in the same predicament. Small rolling suitcase, oversize gym bag with luggage tags on it, and a backpack perched on his knees.
The train was scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes.
7 + 25 minutes later, and still no train. Both of us checking our watches, checking our phones, looking down the tracks trying to decide what to do. On one stroll to the end of the platform, I noticed a small sign with the phone number for the train company, suggesting calling if there were any problems. A few frostbitten fingers and some catchy hold music later, I found out the train was stuck because of the snow, and couldn’t be expected to arrive at the station for at least another 45 minutes. As I hung up, the guy walked by me heading out of the station muttering, ‘this is ridiculous’ as he passed. I told him about the phone call and he said he was going to try for a cab- he had to catch a plane.
Lucky for me. Within a few moments we were sharing a 45-minute cab ride to the airport.
But my luck wasn’t over for the day, and that’s where the relevance of this story kicks in.
We were both so relieved at the situation that we became fast friends, talked enough to discover a few mutual friends, and continued our companionship while waiting at the terminal.
And before we shook hands and continued on our separate ways, I learned his name, where he was from, that he had been visiting his girlfriend at school, that his sister’s boyfriend was good friends with the friend I had been visiting, that he started the satirical newspaper at his university, and that there were a group of them from the paper that were all working for The Onion’s video department.
As a first semester junior, I was not yet carrying my resume with me like a security blanket, but we made the connection with our career interests, and he casually recommended that I should get in touch with him once I graduate.
That was almost two years ago.


Flash forward to a few weeks ago, when I was at a wedding, sitting with a group of people who went to school in Boston. After sharing some stories of my job search, I suddenly had another light bulb flash over my head!
However, it had been a long time, and I had never done even the facebook follow up with this guy, so some of the details escaped me. But I had to try. Soon, we were all on a mission to find the name of the mystery man from the ride to the Boston Airport.
A few hours later, with many yearbook pages turned and tossed aside, we finally came up with a name. The name of the guy that his sister was dating. A few days later, one of the friends I had made at the wedding got an email from another friend (I know it’s confusing! Just try and bear with me!) telling her that the sister and now husband had just had a baby. So now we had the sisters name. And once we had that, we figured out his name. It took a few more calls, but this week, I finally got his email address.
So now I am deliberating. After all that, I now have a way to contact the mystery name from the cab right who used to work for The Onion. Is that good enough to follow up with my resume and see if he can help me?
My answer: Yes.
It’s just going to take me a day or two to compose an email that doesn’t make me sound like a creeper and gently remind him who I am. Then who knows? Worst-case scenario: restraining order.

The Big Dipper AND The Little Dipper

So I have been getting a lot of feedback from readers saying that I am reaching too far and expecting too much. Not only have I been qualified for every job I have applied for, but as I’ve responded to one doubting reader, how else am I supposed to eventually land the dream job? While I may be reaching for the stars, I have not zoomed exclusively passed everything else. It just so happens, that in this economy- it seems that only the big names still have any money to pay even minimum wage. Mind you, its minimum wage and nothing else, but at least they provide more than a ‘monthly metro card and lunch’.

Still though, at this point I am open to any experience, even if it means I live in the subway and eat only the middle meal.

On another slow job posting day last winter, I decided to see what I could find in places that weren't necessarily looking to hire. By my reaching out, they might be able to find a spot for me- or at least know how to find me if they ever have a spot. But how to find these places?
In addition to searching New York production companies in Google, I wanted to find a list of actual potential contacts in the media field.
Well, my university didn’t, and still doesn’t, have a film program. But that’s what happens when you go into college as ‘undecided’ and then realize when you have to ‘decide’, that you have decided on something that isn’t offered. No matter for the determined and creative right? I created my own major. But that’s another story. This story is starts off with the thought ‘what might have been’.

I couldn't get too much help from my school, so I tried to think outside the box. What if I had gone to a different school that could help me? Ideally, I supposed, if I had known what I wanted to do when I was applying to schools, I would have applied to NYU. And if I had gotten in and done what I wanted to do, I guess I would have gone to Tisch. There went the light bulb over my head.

I went on the NYU Tisch website. I searched around for a while, until I found a list of places that Tisch students intern and eventually get jobs. I looked up every name and ever company on that list, found their contact email and information, and emailed them my cover letter and resume. While it still hasn’t netted me a job, the names I am continuously adding to my contacts are going to make my little black book quite valuable one day.

You call it desperate? I call it determined.

One day, I sat down in the back of my class, plugged in my computer, and quickly zoned out the lecture for the day. Instead, I opened up my laptop to start the days search for a job.
However, I realized that since I had last submitted (the day before) there was nothing new posted on craigslist, mediabistro, timewarner, or disney (abc & espn) that were of any relevance to me. Or maybe there were a few, but I took care of applying right away. So there I was, 20 minutes into a three hour lecture that I had already missed, with no interest in jumping in to catch up, and I was stuck without any more places to apply. I had no networking emails to follow up on, no new random email address to send to, no more mailing addresses to find. I thought, this is it, I have exhausted every job searching outlet. Well my friends, that was 6 months ago and I am still finding new ways to send my name (and resume) out into the world.

Take this link for example:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/tfr/1322676002.html

(For those of you too lazy to follow it, I have copied and pasted the post below.)

"Do you and your family have any funny pictures that make you say...what were we thinking when we took this picture? You know, the pictures where you are all wearing a pair of rabbit ears, or one person is making a funny face? Or maybe you have a themed family photo that makes you laugh every time you look at it? A national TV show wants to hear from you. Email us at TalkShowProd@yahoo.com"

Now while this is posted in the tv/film/video/radio job postings on craigslist, they are obviously not looking for someone like me to work on their show and get their first foot in the door of the entertainment industry. So should I send them my resume? Probably not. Can it hurt to send it anyway? Maybe. Will it take more than a minute of my time? No. And yet is there a downside? Not that I can see, but then again, I still don't have a job.
Risks aside, I figure best case scenerio- they call, and worst case scenario- they don't.
But I don't just copy and paste my cover letter and attach my resume. Instead, I start with Hi! My name is ____ ____, and while my family photos can be plenty awkward, I don't think I am the one you want to talk to. Instead, I suggest you talk to some of these people at www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com. I am sure you can find all you need and more on that site. And apart from my expertise in the awkward family photo department.......... and so the pitch (and cover letter) begin.

With all of the real jobs to send to, and all the not really looking for me but send them anyways, I try to send out my resume at least 20 times a day.

I am attacking. World: beware.