Stephen Colbert, I Can't Wait Around Forever

In the least stalkery way possible:
Stephen, Watch Out!

Part 3 of The Colbert Conquest is coming to you tomorrow.

And if you don't take me on then, well, then I guess the next time you will see me is when I offer you a job.

Because I Actually Do Have A Bucket List. Typed Up In A Word Document.

Now, even before the movie The Bucket List came out, I have had a list of my own that I just call ‘Things I Want To Do Before I Die’. Doesn’t sound as good I know, but if Morgan Freeman had uttered it in a soothing voice on thousands of the big screen you might feel differently.
Get a drink named after me. Check.
Go skydiving. Check.
Go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef. Check.
Be in People Magazine. _____

Now, there are way more things besides being in People that I haven’t yet accomplished (see a Blue Whale, see a man eating clam- I swear, my AP Bio teacher said they exist) but that is the one we are going to focus on today.
You see, just before I started this blog, something else hit the web and exploded! Bigger than Charlie Bit Me and bigger than FML. Why bigger? Who is the judge? Because this thing that hit every computer screen somewhere, got written up in the next issue of People Magazine. (It has since then even been incorporated into my favorite TV show (spoiler alert for those of you who still haven’t caught up on this season), The Office.
So congratulations Kevin and Jill, you have hit that goal before me. Congratulations on your wedding too. And on being in People magazine. Oh ya, and for trying to turn a brief youtube phenomenon into a charity organization.

So what does this have to do with my blog, my job search, or me?

Not much, other than I too had a good 5 seconds of fame (this definitely didn’t count as part of my 15 minutes) recently, and I just wanted to share it with you all.
A few nights ago, a more than an acquaintance, not quite a good friend, (lets call her a ‘friendly’), started chatting to me about my life. She opened with, “I have been thinking about you all week.”
Really? I asked. Why?
“Earlier this week, a friend of mine in the CBS Page Program sent me a blog to read saying ‘this person writes my life’. So then I started reading it and I just wanted to share it with you, because it is hilarious, all of my friends read it now, and I feel like it is your life too!”

Well now I am intrigued! What is this blog?

The friendly laughs. She says, “Its called ambitious and funemployed.”
Before she finishes my jaw has unhinged and is resting on the floor. But within a split second, I think I am shrieking. I hope I wasn’t, because I can get very high-pitched, but I think my still ringing ears would attest- there was shrieking.
Did I start this blog with the intentions of being famous? No.
Do I think that because one group of post-college grads found it on the internet and now read it that I am famous? No.
Does this in any way accomplish my goal of getting into People magazine? No.
Am I still loving the fact that someone unknowingly recommended that I read my own work? Hell yes!

Destined for Greatness

Some People Just Know They Were Destined For Greatness!
Ok…..
Maybe everybody knows that.
Maybe everyone’s parents indoctrinate their children with the phrase ‘ you can be anything you want to be’ enough that each one us truly believes that we are the future of the world.
But I truly believe that in 30 years, everyone I met during this limbo stage of life is going to be kicking themselves for not working with me sooner and becoming ‘the next big thing’.
And if I’m wrong?
Well, I guess we’ll be blaming my parents.

Cocky vs Confident

If there was something you could say in an interview to guarantee you getting the position, you would say it.
Everyone would!
But aside from ‘I will work for free’, what is that thing that is going to make that treacherous interview process a ‘no-brainer’?
Obviously we shouldn’t be giving out this secret phrase to just any old Joe off the street, but (and here is where I shamelessly promote myself) I have a college degree, I did well in school, studied abroad, created my own major, have more than 10 quality internships, I network, I'm responsible, and I'm obviously driven. I have got my shit together. So why do I still not hold the key to that secret phrase all interviewers want to hear?
What do you want to hear from a potential future employee? What can they do to set them apart in a positive light? What makes people say: Lets hire her.
I know there has got to be some one word that everyone wants to hear. I don’t think I'm a bad interviewer, but I am concerned about the whole idea of cocky vs confident. People say, ‘you have to sell yourself in an interview!’. Well, I think I am a good deal! But I also hear that interviewers are turned off by people who think they can do it all.
Let me tell you, future interviewers out there, I have the ability to complete any task. Because if I can’t figure it out, I will ask. I am resourceful, and I know my boundaries. But I will give it my all.
There.
Is that what you want to hear?



**If you watch this video below, please laugh. Who spends the time to make these?**

If At First You Don't Succeed, Do Something Else While You Keep On Trying

For those readers who doubt me ever making it in my chosen career, here’s something that might make you feel better about yourself. After all, some do find pleasure in others failures. I do have a Plan B. And after that, I have a plan C. Plan B isn’t too exciting at the moment, so lets move on to Plan C.
If it's true, at least for this year, that I am not destined to get a job alongside any famous TV Star, or even have the privilege of getting coffee for a brilliant and broke small time producer, I would like to work at Banana Republic.
But for those readers who are suddenly eyeing me as a sellout, let me reassure you that I have been going about this Plan C search in the same way I am going about Plan A. Driven.
A few months back when I was visiting New York, on a day that I had no interviews scheduled, I put on my best Banana Republic dress, and hit the streets. In my workbag, I had a portfolio of 20 copies of my resume, and 20 Banana Republic applications, filled out and ready to go. And I started shopping.
At every store I immediately asked for the manager and explained that I was looking to work at their company. After being told that they have a website to where I can submit my information online, I reassure them that I have already submitted, but I have a personal copy I wanted to deliver myself. Now, while some floor managers are just confused with a ‘What am I supposed to do with this paper now?’ look on their faces, others are impressed, and immediately begin glancing through my credentials.
So what is the point of this story?
The point is, to all of you potential employers out there, that all of my other tricks to fight my way into the door have not just been ways of sucking up to get a job in the entertainment industry. Instead, no matter the task, I will put forth 150%. While it may not be a dream career move to work in the interim time at Banana Republic, their clothes fit me perfectly and I’ll get to use my discount to start creating the working women’s wardrobe for when I do finally land that contract job.
Plus, there is always the hope that it will help pay the rent for my apartment in New York City.

The Search for The Mystery Man

In December of 2007, I was visiting friends up in Boston. And yes, I did say ‘December’ and ‘Boston’ in the same sentence, so all of you from the New England area can predict what I am going to say next.
Snow.
After a lovely weekend visiting friends, I trudged through the snow to the train station, to catch the train to the airport. I chose a bench, dropped my bag, and sat down to huddle and wait for the welcome ‘chuga chuga’ sound.
15 feet away sat another guy, clearly in the same predicament. Small rolling suitcase, oversize gym bag with luggage tags on it, and a backpack perched on his knees.
The train was scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes.
7 + 25 minutes later, and still no train. Both of us checking our watches, checking our phones, looking down the tracks trying to decide what to do. On one stroll to the end of the platform, I noticed a small sign with the phone number for the train company, suggesting calling if there were any problems. A few frostbitten fingers and some catchy hold music later, I found out the train was stuck because of the snow, and couldn’t be expected to arrive at the station for at least another 45 minutes. As I hung up, the guy walked by me heading out of the station muttering, ‘this is ridiculous’ as he passed. I told him about the phone call and he said he was going to try for a cab- he had to catch a plane.
Lucky for me. Within a few moments we were sharing a 45-minute cab ride to the airport.
But my luck wasn’t over for the day, and that’s where the relevance of this story kicks in.
We were both so relieved at the situation that we became fast friends, talked enough to discover a few mutual friends, and continued our companionship while waiting at the terminal.
And before we shook hands and continued on our separate ways, I learned his name, where he was from, that he had been visiting his girlfriend at school, that his sister’s boyfriend was good friends with the friend I had been visiting, that he started the satirical newspaper at his university, and that there were a group of them from the paper that were all working for The Onion’s video department.
As a first semester junior, I was not yet carrying my resume with me like a security blanket, but we made the connection with our career interests, and he casually recommended that I should get in touch with him once I graduate.
That was almost two years ago.


Flash forward to a few weeks ago, when I was at a wedding, sitting with a group of people who went to school in Boston. After sharing some stories of my job search, I suddenly had another light bulb flash over my head!
However, it had been a long time, and I had never done even the facebook follow up with this guy, so some of the details escaped me. But I had to try. Soon, we were all on a mission to find the name of the mystery man from the ride to the Boston Airport.
A few hours later, with many yearbook pages turned and tossed aside, we finally came up with a name. The name of the guy that his sister was dating. A few days later, one of the friends I had made at the wedding got an email from another friend (I know it’s confusing! Just try and bear with me!) telling her that the sister and now husband had just had a baby. So now we had the sisters name. And once we had that, we figured out his name. It took a few more calls, but this week, I finally got his email address.
So now I am deliberating. After all that, I now have a way to contact the mystery name from the cab right who used to work for The Onion. Is that good enough to follow up with my resume and see if he can help me?
My answer: Yes.
It’s just going to take me a day or two to compose an email that doesn’t make me sound like a creeper and gently remind him who I am. Then who knows? Worst-case scenario: restraining order.

MORE STORIES! And then I found 5 dollars.

Two weeks ago, I saw on the Turner website that Campbell Brown at CNN in New York was looking to hire entry-level production assistants. Now, I don’t know why I even bother to apply to anything online, because I have never had anything materialize from it. In fact, I don’t know anyone who applied for a job at one of these big places online and ever got a sound positive response. But they make it hard to find out about the job openings anywhere but their career sites, so I guess it’s what you have to do. So, I submitted my cover letter, resume, and information online for a Production Assistant position at Campbell Brown at CNN New York.
But I decided that wasn’t enough. I wanted to make personal contact with someone working there so they would know to keep an eye out for my application. Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone who works for CNN in New York. I know someone at CNN Atlanta, but I didn’t want to bother him quite yet.
I spent 20 minutes on my computer, and I finally found an address and phone number for CNN in New York City. I called the number, which connected to me to main switchboard. Quickly I made something up.
“Hi, I am calling for Suzanne at the Campbell Brown show,” I said with force.
“Hold on please,’ he said as he transferred me.
Now, while the hold music played in my ear, I’ll explain to you why I chose Suzanne. Do I know a Suzanne who works at CNN? No. But I figure it is a common enough name, or a potentially mispronounced version of so many others (Susan, Suzy, Suzette, Susannah, Ann, Roseanne), that there is bound to be someone I could potentially be transferred to.
“Campbell Brown- this is Tina,” someone answered.
Again I mustered up a voice of confidence. “Hi, this is ____ _____ calling for Suzanne.”
"Sure," she answered, "Hold on please."
More hold music. More waiting.
I’m thinking, 'What do I do when Suzanne answers?' Why have I not thought this completely through? Truthfully, I didn’t actually think I would get past all of the secretaries and operators and actually get to speak to someone. If I had thought that my silly plan might work, I would’ve prepared more. I figured I would just explain to her that I had applied online for the Production Assistant position, and I wanted to follow up on the status of my application, as well as offer to come in and meet with them in person so that they might consider me further.
What I didn’t prepare- was a back story.
A voice suddenly appeared on the line.
“I’m sorry,” she said. It was Tina again. “But who may is say is calling?”
I got flustered and hung up.

Ok yes, it is a terrible story. Because I didn't even follow through with it the whole way.
But, I have since talked to my contact at CNN in Atlanta and talked to a few more people who have given me a few more names. First thing tomorrow- I will be calling them back, this time determined to see it all the way through.

You call it desperate? I call it determined.

One day, I sat down in the back of my class, plugged in my computer, and quickly zoned out the lecture for the day. Instead, I opened up my laptop to start the days search for a job.
However, I realized that since I had last submitted (the day before) there was nothing new posted on craigslist, mediabistro, timewarner, or disney (abc & espn) that were of any relevance to me. Or maybe there were a few, but I took care of applying right away. So there I was, 20 minutes into a three hour lecture that I had already missed, with no interest in jumping in to catch up, and I was stuck without any more places to apply. I had no networking emails to follow up on, no new random email address to send to, no more mailing addresses to find. I thought, this is it, I have exhausted every job searching outlet. Well my friends, that was 6 months ago and I am still finding new ways to send my name (and resume) out into the world.

Take this link for example:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/tfr/1322676002.html

(For those of you too lazy to follow it, I have copied and pasted the post below.)

"Do you and your family have any funny pictures that make you say...what were we thinking when we took this picture? You know, the pictures where you are all wearing a pair of rabbit ears, or one person is making a funny face? Or maybe you have a themed family photo that makes you laugh every time you look at it? A national TV show wants to hear from you. Email us at TalkShowProd@yahoo.com"

Now while this is posted in the tv/film/video/radio job postings on craigslist, they are obviously not looking for someone like me to work on their show and get their first foot in the door of the entertainment industry. So should I send them my resume? Probably not. Can it hurt to send it anyway? Maybe. Will it take more than a minute of my time? No. And yet is there a downside? Not that I can see, but then again, I still don't have a job.
Risks aside, I figure best case scenerio- they call, and worst case scenario- they don't.
But I don't just copy and paste my cover letter and attach my resume. Instead, I start with Hi! My name is ____ ____, and while my family photos can be plenty awkward, I don't think I am the one you want to talk to. Instead, I suggest you talk to some of these people at www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com. I am sure you can find all you need and more on that site. And apart from my expertise in the awkward family photo department.......... and so the pitch (and cover letter) begin.

With all of the real jobs to send to, and all the not really looking for me but send them anyways, I try to send out my resume at least 20 times a day.

I am attacking. World: beware.