Sometime in my initial survey of the websites of every channel I could think of, I discovered that one could request free tickets to a taping of The Colbert Report and The Daily Show for you and three friends. I requested tickets for both shows and was allotted four tickets to The Daily Show on April 2cnd, 2009 and four tickets to The Colbert Report on April 7th, 2010. (I do still have The Colbert Report Tickets and I have not chosen what friends to take with me, bribes are being taken through mid-October.) As the last week of March rolled around, the friend I had originally planned the day trip up to New York with had to back out for various midterms, and I was still looking for company to drive me up to see Jon Stewart and work some magic.
I happen to have gone to college with a cousin who happens to have a car. So in a moment of brilliance, I recalled how much he enjoys Jon Stewart, hopped over to his apartment, and told him that as a surprise I had gotten us tickets to go up to New York together and see a taping of The Daily Show, provided that he and his car were available for the day. Needless to say, he was thrilled, I invited his roommate along too, and the three of us drove up to meet my fourth friend outside of the studio where Jon tapes his show, daily.
It was only after we had driven through Delaware that I unveiled my scheme to the other passengers. With me I had 40 copies of my cover letter and resume, and 40 blank envelopes. There was no way I was going to be that close to a potential career and not leave my mark. And so, throughout the first 12 exits on the New Jersey turnpike, we stuffed envelopes, and wrote things on the outsides of each in an attempt to persuade any Daily Show employee to even peek inside the unsealed envelope. One envelope shouted: Free Paper Inside! Others were more confusing like: Please Recycle, Just Don’t Recycle This! Some were to appeal to the man himself by writing out his name in Hebrew: Jon Stewart (Imagine in Hebrew Letters). And even others were to catch someone’s attention: Important Information Regarding Jon Stewart’s Biological Father Within. I snuck every one of these 40 envelopes into the studio, left them on some of the seats, taped them to the bottoms of other seats, stuck them in the emergency lighting strips in the aisles, and tucked them into the edges of the mirrors into the bathroom stalls.
While I cannot say that I waited with baited breath for my phone to ring, and Jon Stewart himself to be calling, I did at least expect a shout out in the opening monologue of his following nights episode. I got nothing.
Well, perhaps not nothing. They might have a big red flag in their system next to my name. I guess we'll never know. Unless I ever meet Jon Stewart. In which case I'm going to ask him, "Yo- did you ever get those notes I left in your studio? Even if you didn't need me, why not a 'props for effort' shout out on your show?"
You want some Props? Then get over your insistent non-deplume anonymity and be open to receive a compliment from a real person...Me, Bill, who after 30 years of slaving away in the towering vortex of TV ruin, I have rediscovered my calling as a redneck bohemian. Yes, you are witty, charming and well versed in the Torah which overqualifies you as a Broadcast Operant. But before you sign your life away as a shop-grunt for the Stars, consider the possibility of launching your stellar career as a Gainfully FunEmployed Artist in Residence enjoying a tsunami of benefits the description of which will remain cryptic, mysterious and Anonymous...just like You! Don't touch that dial errr remote, I'll be right back, after this important massage.
ReplyDeleteTDA, im dying of laughter. went out for dinner with my bro last night and he told me i MUST check out your blog. sheer awesomeness. so much so, taht ive just spent 30 min at work perusing said blog. and now i shall continue :)
ReplyDelete